Badger, I Eat You
you are dumb you have the brain of a badger
I am smart I have a human brain
I EAT YOU

“Wayne Coyne loves animals, Steven Drozd is kind to children, and together they front the world’s finest neo-psychedelia rock band, The Flaming Lips. They are the kind of people we need in the White House helping make America f***ing cool again.”

Miami Invaded By Giant, House-Eating Snails

They can grow to be 10 inches long. They leave a slimy trail of excrement wherever they go. They harbor the microscopic rat-lung worm, which can transmit meningitis to humans. And they will literally eat your house.

“They’ll attach to the side of the house and eat the stucco off the side of the house,” Gaskalla says. The snails are also attracted to garbage and pet food that’s been left out.

Frank and Louie is the world’s oldest two-faced cat, which is not to say he is deceitful or insincere.

Rather, the fluffy, gray feline with two mouths, two noses and three eyes, turned 12 years old this month, setting the record for “longest surviving Janus cat,” Sara Wilcox, a Guinness World Records spokeswoman said on Tuesday.

SATELLITE SHRAPNEL TOP TIPS:

10. Wear a helmet. Permanently.

9. Avoid open spaces like farms and lakes. Strange things always happen to people there in movies.

8. If it’s shiny and in the sky - run for the nearest cave or building. It could be aliens anyway so best to avoid it all together.

7. Carry you mother in law on your shoulders. I’m just saying

6. Learn to ninja roll. Ninjas can dodge everything and so can you.

5. Walk in groups. The stats say its 1 in 3200 people that may get hit. Not 4 in 6.

4. Wear flip flops on Friday. Stats show that you are more likely to get hit by a satellite on Friday wearing shoes.

3. Eat breakfast. Not only will it help you perform no.6 but it’s important to start the day fresh and full.

2. Don’t stand near an American. Everything happens in or to an American. Apparently.

1. Pretend to be an animal. The stats say nothing about the odds of being hit if you are a cat or a dog.

Good Luck

There’s A Secret Stack Of Pancakes On The $5 Bill

fakescience:

Axe-Wielding Bird ATTACKS! Will nothing stop him?!?

Henry Rollins has lost his tattoos!
Draw some new ones to cheer him up!